people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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