a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Rumble strips road head = magical
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
