ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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