There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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