the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
