she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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