Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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