She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You have to summon your inner elephant
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
