My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
