what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
