I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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