Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
