As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
