My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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