suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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