The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
