just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
