Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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