It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
