Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He better not be in your backpack
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
