I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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