im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
