I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
