I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
