I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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