I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
