wrigley field is MILF paradise
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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