is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
