youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
