come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
