Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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