My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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