I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
