You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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