Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
