i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we're making bets on your personal life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
