Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
