He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did I show you my penis last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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