I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
