dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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