Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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