No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
