Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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