I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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