Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
