somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
