But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
