There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
