he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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