best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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