Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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